So I haven't written in this thing for a while. Part of that is I just haven't had much to say... and another part is I wanted to make this blog less dramatic, if you will, and that was not happening. I think have a better understanding now of why my life is the way it is.

I still don't have a job... however, I feel that God has put me in this place so I can learn to live for myself. My whole life I have been living for someone else... whether that be my mother, my sister, some peer at school that I wanted to impress... I have never really been happy with myself or life. Yes, that sounds depressing, but the honest truth... I never been happier in my life than I am right now.

That is not to say I still don't struggle with depression on a day to day basis. I do and it is extremely hard. I have had some of my most darkest moments these past few months, however I'm starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I'm starting to know what hope feels like. I'm starting to understand what joy is. I do honestly think that God is working in my life to provide this time of "solitude"...

Again, this time period has been the hardest. I still would like very much to get a job... tomorrow. I think I have a better idea of what I want to do. I have this desire to get start... I think I would like to go into research for Autism, or maybe some other medical/psychological condition. This may be sick to some of you, but I've always loved doing research papers in school. I thrived on the knowledge that I had to look for to come up with a 20 or so page paper. I loved looking into medical conditions... it was all so fascinating to me. I'm hoping to now get into a entry level: research/lab assistant position. I've been applying to different hospitals, research institute, and the UW campus. Only a phone screen interview has come up... and I haven't heard back about a follow-up interview.

The problem that I think I'm trying to work through is to not give up on hope. I can't start believe that my hope is invalid... it doesn't mean anything. This is one of the lies satan likes to hit me with... "I'm insignificant". It's not true, so I'm told. However, my goal in all of this is to NOT move back into my parents house. That can not happen. I've come to far for all my mental health to go to waste.

Well, that's my reflection for tonight... more may come, but we will see.