So I haven't written in this thing for a while. Part of that is I just haven't had much to say... and another part is I wanted to make this blog less dramatic, if you will, and that was not happening. I think have a better understanding now of why my life is the way it is.

I still don't have a job... however, I feel that God has put me in this place so I can learn to live for myself. My whole life I have been living for someone else... whether that be my mother, my sister, some peer at school that I wanted to impress... I have never really been happy with myself or life. Yes, that sounds depressing, but the honest truth... I never been happier in my life than I am right now.

That is not to say I still don't struggle with depression on a day to day basis. I do and it is extremely hard. I have had some of my most darkest moments these past few months, however I'm starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I'm starting to know what hope feels like. I'm starting to understand what joy is. I do honestly think that God is working in my life to provide this time of "solitude"...

Again, this time period has been the hardest. I still would like very much to get a job... tomorrow. I think I have a better idea of what I want to do. I have this desire to get start... I think I would like to go into research for Autism, or maybe some other medical/psychological condition. This may be sick to some of you, but I've always loved doing research papers in school. I thrived on the knowledge that I had to look for to come up with a 20 or so page paper. I loved looking into medical conditions... it was all so fascinating to me. I'm hoping to now get into a entry level: research/lab assistant position. I've been applying to different hospitals, research institute, and the UW campus. Only a phone screen interview has come up... and I haven't heard back about a follow-up interview.

The problem that I think I'm trying to work through is to not give up on hope. I can't start believe that my hope is invalid... it doesn't mean anything. This is one of the lies satan likes to hit me with... "I'm insignificant". It's not true, so I'm told. However, my goal in all of this is to NOT move back into my parents house. That can not happen. I've come to far for all my mental health to go to waste.

Well, that's my reflection for tonight... more may come, but we will see.

Career Counselor

I'm seeing a career counselor. Since getting a job has not worked out too well... I decided to get a little bit of help. I'm taking a couple test to help me figure out what jobs would go well with my personality. The thing about it is... I pretty much already know. It's just knowing how to sell myself to get hired. That is the task here. Ugh.

Also I'm in a wedding this weekend. I'm way excited. Denise has been a great friend to me and I'm honored to be in her wedding.

Baby's R Us

I had a interview on Wednesday for Baby's R Us. I really want this job, thus I'm very very nervous about hearing the results. I've decided that my goal is to get back into school... grad school, nursing... I don't know yet. I still don't know what I want to do... and part of that is I don't know what I'd be good at. I hear that everyone my age struggles with this... for some reason, I feel like I should be different.

There is one thing I do know... I want to have a family. I want to get married and have kids. Every time someone gets engaged... this longing increases. I know about 15 or so couples that have gotten engaged or getting married this past school year. While I'm really happy for them... I also wish it was me.

Anyway, hopefully the job will turn out tomorrow and my life will seem to be turning around. I'm going crazy thinking about it... I should do something else, or go to bed. ha.

Craziness... the story of my life.

I watched my nephew today for along time. My sister owns a dance company and they have a big performance this weekend. There was rehearsal tonight and she needed someone to watch him while she was running around getting stuff done. Poor guy had his first shots today... he was drugged most of the time I had him... kind of a funny sight actually...

So I have an interview tomorrow that I actually hope goes well. The past interviews have been for jobs that I could have done but didn't really have the passion for it, if you know what I mean. Tomorrow, I'll interview for a Therapeutic Childcare person... in which I would get to work with children who have been abused or neglected that ranging from 10 months to 5 year olds. I really think this would be a great opportunity. They have cool benefits and I'll get to use my degree. I pray that this goes well and I can make a good impression to them.

Random

Today, I got some plants and potted them. This makes me happy.

I've also been working on my baseball collection. I'd like to get rid of the cards that aren't worth anything. I'd rather have the penny, right now, than the card. I do have some that are worth quite a bit though... I'll be hanging on to those for a while. :)

Off to bed... interview tomorrow, and hopefully a couple more this week!

Dentist

I had my first filling today. I'm 25 and this is my first cavity. Apparently this one wasn't my fault. My teeth are so groovy that one just kinda crept in there and happened. I have 3 more teeth that are being watched for the same thing, but other than that, my teeth are pretty healthy.

Aunty Becky

I'm an aunt! My nephew was born this morning at 7:51, and was 6 lbs 5 oz. His name is Gavyn and is soooo cute! Once I figure out how to post pictures on this thing, I'll put some up.

I'd have to say, I have the most awesome core.

So for those of you who don't know, I am a Christian. I'm apart of a Christian Fellowship at the University of Washington, where I graduated 2 years ago. For my fellowship, I lead a small bible study called a core. It's a group of about 4 to 6 women, depending on the week, and I love what God is teaching us. We've been going through the book of Matthew... the Sermon on the Mount, more specifically, and wowzers has God taught us a lot. The main thing topic God is teaching us is "actions speak louder than words". He wants us to be doers of faith and not just talkers of faith. We're also being taught that if our heart is not with God, it really doesn't matter all the good things we do. If we're just doing good deeds to get, what my friend Ashley Ronnell would call, "Heaven Point", God won't care. He cares about our hearts and how we affect other peoples lives.

I'll end with the famous verse Luke 10:27:
He answered: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind'; and, 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' "

Welcome to my blog. It'll soon get more interesting, but for now... I thank you for stopping by.

Here's what I hope to post about:
~Where I live
~Some of my dreams
~Hopefully, I'll get some pictures up...

There's more... but I fail to remember now.