Hmm...

So something that I'm trying to learn is... I'm an adult and I can do whatever I want. I don't know why but this is particularly a hard concept for me to grasp. I think it might have to do with my mother undermining me pretty much my whole life. She pretty much made all decisions for me and made me do things I didn't want to do... and more importantly, didn't allow me to chose things I wanted to do. I don't mean to make her sounds like a bad mother. She did the best she could with what she had... no one is perfect.

I've been told that "I'm stronger than I think I am" by many people. I didn't understand this until recently. I need to learn to have faith in myself... it's so hard. I need to realize that I'm capable of making my own decisions... again, also very hard. I need to not be afraid of screwing up. I'm human and as I pointed out above, no one is perfect. My counselor told me that there's always a solution... which my fear has been there's not.

I'm making progress on looking for a job. I've posted my resume on two job websites. I've applied to a few jobs, and I have an interview with a temp agency on Monday. I'm rather anxious about all of this, but I believe that getting a job with help with some of the above. It'll give me money so I can feel free to do things I want to do... without asking for permission. I just hope that I lead a more interesting life after this all happens, because right now, my life is pretty dead.

Anyway, there's some of my refections for now. I'll post more soon, I'm sure. :)